


Sunlight Banging on the Wall

by Noducksinpond



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coda, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Multi, Post-Season/Series 01, Season/Series 01 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-01-31 08:25:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18587473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noducksinpond/pseuds/Noducksinpond
Summary: A part of him, a large part of him, wanted to stay here on the off chance, that he hasn’t completely screwed things with Michael. But another part of him, the one who has gotten used to solving mysteries and breaking through firewalls during his ten years in the Air Force, asked: “What the hell is my dad doing in Roswell?”[Or Alex in the aftermath of 1x13]





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway happy "Roswell, New Mexico got renewed for season 2" day. 
> 
> This started as me wanting better things for Alex as soon I finished the finale, and now here we are 4.5k later, having to make a cut or it was going to end up too long. There'll either be one or two parts more, we'll see how we go. This is my first time writing any of these characters, so hopefully you enjoy it.

The first person, Alex talked to that morning isn’t Michael, it’s Kyle. Because, as Alex is sitting in the junkyard, wondering if he finally pushed Guerin one step too far with what he said the night before, his cell phone buzzed to life. He ignored the first call, because honestly, he’d rather not talk to Kyle, but he called him again immediately after. “What?” Alex answered, annoyed that Kyle had apparently decided to not leave him alone.

“You might wanna come by the hospital, Manes,” Kyle replied, not bothering to comment on Alex’s tone, like he’d expected him to do. Which seemed to be very unlike Kyle Valenti. That made Alex get up from where he was sitting and pay attention to what Kyle was saying. “The Master Sargent is in a coma.”

Alex isn’t seriously concerned, not about his father. If he had been, he wouldn’t have knocked him out with his crutch and tied him up that day, where he finally set his plan in motion. He hadn’t been seriously concerned about his father since long before the tool shed. Only in as far, as what Master Sargant Manes could do.

A part of him, a large part of him, wanted to stay here on the off chance, that he hasn’t completely screwed things with Michael. But another part of him, the one who has gotten used to solving mysteries and breaking through firewalls during his ten years in the air force, asked: “What the hell is my dad doing in Roswell?”

“That’s what I was wondering,” Kyle replied. Alex had had a plan, a good plan that had been supposed to work. A plan that had been supposed to keep Jesse Manes on the other side of the planet, until Alex had utterly demolished Project Shepherd. He told Kyle, he was on his way, as he closed the car door behind him.

There’s a part of him that knows, that his dad being in a coma is easier to think about, than the inhabitant of the Airstream, he is leaving behind. For all Alex learned to solve problems in the Air Force, he had never been able to learn how to solve the problem of Guerin. He’d tried to, or started trying to, more accurately. But maybe he wasn’t meant to figure it out. That thought stung so much, that Alex quickly pushed it away, refocused on the problem, Kyle had placed in front of him instead.

* * *

“Bringing emo back, Manes?” Alex resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Kyle. Maybe Alex hadn’t worn this leather jacket in a while, but it was definitely not a big enough thing for Valenti to bother commenting on it. Even if Alex couldn’t remember exactly when the last time, he’d worn it was. Valenti seemed to guide him towards an empty room, confirming Alex’s suspicions, that there was something Kyle hadn’t said over the phone.

“So, what exactly happened to him, Kyle?” Alex asked, as soon as the door swung shut behind them. Kyle had a nervous energy around him, like he was anxious and ready to snap at any moment. Alex had seen it before, usually on the faces of soldiers who returned to base after their first raid.

“The Master Sargant was found outside town, collapsed and unresponsive. Comatose, really,” Kyle said. He was shifting from foot to foot and wasn’t looking into Alex’s eyes. “He’s in a medically induced coma.”

“Kyle, how do you know, it’s medically induced?” Alex asked, even though he already had a pretty good idea, what the answer would be. You would have to be an idiot, not to make a good guess from the way Valenti was moving around.

“Because, I did it,” Kyle replied, still avoiding Alex’s eyes. Maybe out of some sort of guilt, Alex wasn’t sure. “Look, Alex I- I was in the bunker, and he just showed up. He shot me. I couldn’t- but I had to do something. What was he even doing here?”

“My guess is that Flint ratted us out about Caulfield,” Alex replied. “But there’s no way to know for sure, without asking him or my brother. How long is he going to be in that coma for?”

“A week or so, if I don’t give him another- Hold on,” Kyle picked up his phone, that was aggressively ringing in the pocket of his uniform. “Liz? What’s- Max did what? Slow down, slow down! Take a deep breath, what did Max do?”

Alex couldn’t read Kyle’s expression at all, as Liz apparently continued talking. It seemed like a thousand emotions ran across his face, and then a grave expression. “Alright, I’m on my way. Get Guerin and Isobel, I’ll bring what I can to help.”

Kyle hurried out the room, and continued down the hallway, Alex trailing after him. Everything about Valenti seemed erratic, and he kept muttering something under his breath, that Alex couldn’t hear. Alex wanted to ask him questions, about a thousand of them, but he wasn’t sure Kyle could answer any of them right now. And the only other alternative to that, would be to go with Valenti to wherever he was going and stand face to face with Michael.

“You’re not coming?” Valenti asked, and it honestly seemed like he wanted him to come along, almost as support. Which would have made Alex laugh only a few months ago, at how ridiculous the idea seemed. But Kyle didn’t care that much about Max Evans, so it had to be something else. But could it really be something with Liz, if they apparently needed Michael and Isobel? Alex shook his head. “I’m sure Michael-“ Kyle started.

“I don’t think Guerin wants to talk to me,” Alex cut him off, ignoring how saying that out loud, and not just thinking it, made something twist in his stomach. But he also knew, it was the truth. Whatever conversation Michael had wanted to have last night, he obviously didn’t want to have anymore. “I’m gonna go see dear old dad, after all that’s what I’m here for, right?” Alex said, not looking at Kyle before he headed down the hall.

* * *

The bunker is a good escape for the next week. Alex had seen the medical helicopter fly over the cabin, as he’d gotten back, but instead of satisfying whatever curiosity he had, he’d headed straight for his dad’s bunker. It’s so much easier to stop thinking about Guerin, or his dad or whatever the hell happened with Kyle, Liz and Max, when he has code in front of him. Algorithms to get through.

Regardless, of Guerin changing his mind about wanting to talk, Alex knew this was the right thing to do. After what happened at Caulfield, Alex couldn’t leave all this information locked behind security walls. Information that Max, Isobel and Guerin deserved to know. The thing that finally got him to leave the bunker was Liz texting him to meet her.

So, now Alex is climbing up the stairs to the roof of The Crashdown. He’d ignored Kyle’s 5 calls, and the two calls from Maria, but there was something about the way Liz had asked, that made him go. She is already sitting up there, back against the sign, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in a week. Pretty much, how Alex felt too. “So, Michael Guerin is your museum guy, huh?” Liz asked, her voice raw and completely throwing Alex for a loop.

“Did you really drag a guy with one leg up two flights of stairs, just to ask me about something that happened ten years ago?” Alex replied with a weak laugh, even though he already knew, that wasn’t the reason. He’d been trying his hardest not to think about Guerin for a week, as much he could with his head buried deep in alien research. He settled down on the roof next to Liz. “What happened, Liz?”

“I-“ she started, and tears welled up in her eyes. Alex took her hand, that was laying between them and squeezed it slightly. “I just wanted to talk to a friend, and I can’t talk to Maria, because there’s so much I can’t tell her, and he hasn’t- Well, point is I can’t talk to her. I’m sorry, I dragged you up here, Alex.”

“Don’t apologize, Liz,” he assured her, because honestly, he hated when people felt like they had to apologize for not thinking of his leg. Sure, sometimes it could be nice, even necessary to hear, but now was not one of those times. Especially not with Liz looking like the world was ending, only a week after she finally got the answer to what the hell had happened to Rosa. “Just tell me what happened.”

“It’s Rosa,” Liz replied, her voice shaking. “Apparently, Noah- After the police found her, maybe before we even buried her- he took her. Hid her away in- Max, Isobel and Michael have these pod things, they-“

“Guerin told me,” Alex cut her off, before thinking and then wincing at himself. “About the pods, not the other thing with Noah.”

“Noah had her in his pod, just stored away like she was some kind of sick trophy, and they found her, and Max tried to-“ Liz burst into tears, and Alex moved a little bit closer to her, so he could wrap his arm around her. Liz buried her face in his shoulder, and just cried for a long moment. Nothing but her quiet sobs, and the distant sound of a couple of trucks below them could be heard. She let out a small whimper. “Max used his powers, because she’d been in stasis, and it worked, Alex,” she looked up at him again. “Rosa is alive.”

“Jesus- Does Arturo know?” Alex asked, and he could only imagine, how much pain the older man had to be in, how much pain Liz was in. His own hands were shaking, and the realization hit him, that that had to be what she’d called Kyle about a week ago. Liz nodded quietly.

“Yes. We knew, it would be hard for him, but she didn’t want to hide from him,” Liz said. “She got out of the hospital a couple of days ago. We’ve been trying to sort out the legal stuff, but it’s hard with Jenna out of town, and my dad won’t go near the station, and Max-“ Tears welled up in her eyes again. “It was so hard for Max, he wasn’t even breathing, when I found them, and he’s- he’s barely clinging on now.”

Alex could clearly picture Max Evans doing something as stupid, as trying to bring someone who’d been dead for ten years back to life. And he hates himself a little, because his first thought is whether Michael is okay, when he should be thinking about Liz. Liz who might lose Max in exchange for Rosa, when she deserved to have them both, and so much more. “I, um- might be able to help sort the paperwork out. Quietly, without anyone figuring out she was resurrected by an alien.”

* * *

The sight of her, of Rosa is surreal to say the least. And Alex has seen a lot of things over the last ten years, that he never could have imagined seeing, first in war and then later with all of the alien stuff back in Roswell, but this takes the price, no question about it. She looked the same mostly, a leather jacket over her shoulders and eyeliner on her lids. But the pod clearly hadn’t kept her entirely in stasis, because she also looks a little older, than Alex remembered her.

“Hey, Alex,” she greeted him, as she stepped out the car in front of the cabin. Liz looked between the two of them, nervously. Which Alex guessed was fair enough, since Liz hadn’t told him, she was planning on bringing Rosa.

“You didn’t have to bring her along,” Alex said in the direction of Liz, more because it wasn’t strictly necessary. Sure, he needed Rosa’s social security number, and to hack into some reports and find some documents, but it wasn’t exactly necessary for Rosa to actually be here, especially because he could imagine, it would be at least a little bit difficult for her. It had been a couple of days, since Alex and Liz had talked at The Crashdown.

“Really, Manes? Ten years since I got kidnapped, and transported across the border, and I don’t even get a, ‘I have missed you Rosa, so good to have you back, Rosa’,” she protested. He realized the story had to be, what they’d settled on instead of the truth.

“I missed you Rosa,” he said, meeting her eyes, and walking towards her. It’s true, he had. There had been so much happening on that awful day, that it hadn’t struck him until a couple of days later. But while Alex had hung around Maria, Liz and Rosa in high school, Liz had been pretty lenient on Kyle for a while, or rather Kyle had avoided getting caught by Liz.

While Maria and her mom had never been fully accepted by the town, it was Rosa who understood Alex the best. It was Rosa, who got what it was like to want nothing more, than just jump in a car and drive away from Roswell, never thinking of what you left behind there. “Not sure, kidnapping turned me into a hugging person, Alex,” Rosa said, almost sounding apologetic, when Alex paused in front of her.

“Fair enough,” he just said with a shrug. She still mostly seemed the same, as Alex had gotten closer to her. She was wearing a high-necked shirt, probably to cover up, if there was a still a remnant of a handprint left by Max. “So, I’m guessing, escaped a kidnapping is the story, we’re going with?” Alex said, directed at Liz. Rosa frowned.

“We don’t have to lie to Alex,” Liz clarified with a small smile in the direction of Rosa, and then at Alex. “He knows about the aliens.”

“Oh,” Rosa said with a look of realization. It seemed like she was thinking something, she wasn’t saying. Her gaze darted between Alex and Liz. Liz didn’t move, as Rosa headed for the cabin. “Well, in that case lets make me legally not dead, Mr Anonymous.”

“Alex, there’s something else,” Liz said with a small voice. She looked like she could sink into ground. “It’s about Michael and Maria.”

“Liz-“ he started.

“No, you’re both my friends,” she said clearly, stubbornly. “Hell, Michael is even my friend, even though he’s a pain in my ass too. They talked, the day- you know. And Michael is pretty beat up about Max, surprisingly, but I think once things settle down, they might be trying to be-“

“Okay,” Alex said, mostly because he really didn’t Liz to finish that sentence. Because even though he wasn’t telepathic, he knew exactly how it was going to end. And he’d rather not hear it out loud.

“Okay?” she asked, and Alex nodded, once and slowly, even though he most of all wanted to shake his head. Wanted to scream, that it wasn’t okay. “It’s not fair to you, that you don’t know. And since you’ve been ignoring Maria’s phone calls, and Michael is probably going to keep being an idiot and avoid you for as long as humanly possible, someone had to tell you.”

“It’s okay,” he said with a deep breath, and swallowed the lump in his throat. At least he had an explanation now, and maybe having an explanation would make it easier to deal with, eventually at least. He also knew, as much as he hated to admit it, that even if Michael hadn’t necessarily handled it that well, it was also at least in part, Alex’s fault. He kept his voice steady. “It’s not like they were doing anything wrong.”

* * *

It’s become a semi regular thing over the last couple of weeks, that Rosa called him to meet at the Crashdown, and just have a couple of milkshakes and fries. Her explanation had been simple enough. If Liz wasn’t fuzzing over Rosa, she was fuzzing over Max, who still wasn’t doing that much better. Arturo was also still feeling more than a little protective of her. Rosa’s argument had been simple, _“I just wanna hang out with someone and feel like a normal person.”_

And even though, the two of them had drifted from each other, in the last year before Rosa died, it was nice. Comfortable even. And Alex could admit he liked hanging out with someone, who wasn’t from the base or Kyle. The second time, they’d done it, had been the time, she’d asked about the aliens. “So,” she’d said and paused to look at him. “How do you know about, you know, our friends from out of town?”

It had taken a moment for him, to realize Rosa meant the aliens. Trust her to find a way to talk about a long-buried conspiracy theory, and high-level government secrets without sounding crazy. “Um- it’s kind of a long story,” was the reply, he’d settled on.

“Let me guess, it starts and ends with Michael Guerin,” Rosa said, her voice surprisingly soft, and Alex’s face fell.

“How do you know about that?” he asked, and really hated how something immediately twisted in his guts. Alex pushed what Liz had told him, just a few days earlier, out of his head, as effectively he could. Maria and Liz hadn’t even figured out, that Michael was, what they called the museum guy, until after he’d told them. Rosa hadn’t even known, there was a museum guy before.

“Come on, Alex. I might not have paid attention to a lot, that last year,” she started, and for a moment, it looked like she was far away in her own pain. Her own trauma. Then her eyes settled on Alex again. “But I did have a brain, and a pair of eyes. And anyone could tell you practically adored the ground he walked on, and the other way around.”

“Rosa-“ Alex had started, and he’d had to swallow hard. A watery, practically miserable laugh had escaped his mouth. Maybe that used to be the case, but it wasn’t anymore. Not the other way around part at least. “ _Fuck_ , Rosa. Can we please talk about something else?”

Rosa had just given him a quiet, understanding look and taken a sip of her shake. She hadn’t brought it up since.

* * *

One of the times, as he’s leaving The Crashdown, headed for his car, Alex spotted Michael. Immediately, it feels like everything inside Alex’s body tensed up, and he suddenly felt ice cold. He just stood there by the truck, watching Michael further down the street. Michael didn’t move either, but he’s so far away that Alex can’t read the expression on his face.

Suddenly everything inside Alex ached so much, and maybe he’s a coward, maybe he’s not nearly as brave, as he thought he was. Because while he could walk further down the street, swallow up all his pride and finally talk to Michael, regardless if he wanted to or not, he doesn’t. Instead he got in his car and drove back to the cabin.

* * *

This time, he got what was practically a summoning from Rosa, it’s not Rosa waiting in a booth with his shake order already, like she has the last five times they’ve met here. It’s Liz and Rosa standing by the door. Neither of them is wearing The Crashdown uniform, and Alex give them a long look. “Hey Liz, is Max doing alright?” Alex asked, pausing in front of the two sisters.

“The same. He’s tired, can’t seem to get his energy up ever, and barely moves around,” Liz said with a sad smile. “But that’s not why I’m here. The three of us are going to The Wild Pony.”

“Why?” Alex hadn’t been to The Wild Pony since before. Before Caulfield and before that time, Michael had said he wanted to talk, and then he hadn’t. Avoiding the bar hadn’t been too hard, but it had been on purpose. He had declined going for a drink with the men from the base, once or twice in the last month.

“Because you’re gonna fix your shit, and talk with Maria,” Rosa said, and Alex’s heart practically sunk into the floor. Apparently, it wasn’t just Kyle and Maria who liked trying to help him fix his problems, Rosa seemed to have gotten a taste for it.

“No,” he said flat out.

“It’s not like you to back down from a fight,” Rosa retorted, and that made him want to laugh. He’d backed down from a fight more times than he could count, since he’d gotten back to Roswell. Especially, when it came to Michael. “Guerin and Isobel are both with Max, and you’ll have me and Liz as backup.”

There’s a part of him, that wants to tell her, they don’t have to. Both because, he doesn’t think he can handle talking to Maria, as much as that made him feel like a coward. But also, because he knew, what it would mean for Rosa. He knew, despite the official story being her escaping a kidnapper, she had to deal with people yelling and sneering at her, as soon as she stepped out a door. Some of the patrons at The Crashdown even had.

“Why not, Alex?” Liz asked him, when he didn’t say anything. Alex also knew them well enough to know, there was no point in pointing out that Rosa might get harassed. It would probably make them more insistent. “The two of you are friends. Why not just fix it?”

“Because I don’t know how to look in her eyes, and tell her it’s fine,” Alex said with a heavy breath. A pained look crossed Liz’s face. “I can’t look at her and tell her I’m fine with whatever she and Michael do, because they deserve to be happy. I can’t fix it, Liz.”

“You managed to tell me,” Liz said, and he was pretty sure it was meant as reassurance.

“That’s not exactly the same,” Alex reminded her, and quietly wondered if he could manage to bolt out of The Crashdown without either of them catching up to him.

“Then don’t tell her it’s fine,” Rosa said, making both Liz and Alex look at her. “Tell her, it hurts like hell. That it makes you wanna cry thinking about it, that it makes you miserable. But if you do that, you should also tell her, that you’ll deal with it eventually. And you don’t want to lose her, until that happens.”

* * *

“Alex?” Maria said quietly, her expression surprised. She paused for a moment, just staring at him. If Alex hadn’t known both Ortecho sisters were hiding by one of the tables, and probably ready to drag him back here, he would have left. Instead he folded his shaking hands on the table. He’d been sitting here for a couple of minutes, but it had been stupid to think Maria wouldn’t notice, even if he said nothing. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

He gestured vaguely behind him to where Rosa and Liz were sitting at one of the tables further back. The bar wasn’t too busy, but it was busy enough that nobody that far back could actually hear, what he and Maria were saying. Her face seemed to dawn with understanding. “Ah,” she said, and almost sounded disappointed. “So, what is the plan here, Manes? Just sit here, until they believe you and me have talked, and then go our separate ways, when they leave you alone?”

“No! Well, it kind of was, when they made me get over here,” Alex admitted. Maria gave him a look, that told him, she already guessed as much. “But we’re friends, Maria. You’re my best friend, who I haven’t lived on a military base with, and- I don’t want to mess that up, just because I can’t think straight when it comes to Michael.”

“To be fair, I don’t think I can either,” Maria said with a watery smile. “Alex, I’m-“

“You don’t have to apologize again. You didn’t have to the first time either,” Alex assured her to which she gave him a sceptical look. “Look, Michael means-“ And he paused because he almost said, the world, and he didn’t want to say that, not now. “A lot to me. And I’m not going to pretend, I’m fine, because I don’t think I am. Maybe it’s gonna take me a long time before I am. But that’s got nothing to do with either of you, and I can’t take my hurt out on you, or Michael for that matter.”

Alex could tell her, that he was the one who kept pushing Michael away. That he had kept Michael at an arm’s length after what happened in the shed, and Michael had kept pushing back. Until Alex had finally said, he was leaving for basic. How Alex had pushed Michael away time and time again, since he’d come back from Baghdad the last time. How even when Alex had tried to reach out a hand to Michael, he’d ended up pushing him away. But he wasn’t going to tell her that.

“For what it’s worth, Alex,” Maria started and poured him a drink. Alex hadn’t asked for one, but he could sure as hell use one. “Michael has been busy, worried about the Evans twins. Max has some kind of illness, and apparently it gave Isobel a setback. We’ve gone for drinks a couple of times, and talked a lot, but that’s about it. Maybe it’s going to end up with nothing.”

“You don’t have to try and make me feel better, Deluca,” Alex said with a reassuring smile. A smile that she met. Something did feel slightly lighter, than the heavy weight Alex had been carrying around since Caulfield. Maybe he had needed this more than he thought he did. “Besides, I doubt it. If Guerin cares about someone, it rarely ends up just being nothing.”

“Michael caring about someone, can’t really picture it,” she said quietly, and Alex did recognize, she was probably still trying to make him feel better. But there was still a small, fond smile on her face, which wasn’t for him, he knew that. She took a long look at Alex. “You look nice by the way. Haven’t seen you in black skinny jeans and a leather jacket in a while.”

“Jesus- first Valenti, now you?” Alex said and took a sip of his drink. He gave her a look. “What exactly is wrong with this?”

“Nothing, Alex. It’s just not exactly your usual uptight airman attire,” Maria replied, and maybe she did have a point. He hadn’t worn a button up in a while, and he had stuck to t-shirts and sweaters when he wasn’t on base. Since around the time, he’d said those things to Guerin, almost a month ago. Maria gave him another appreciative look. “And you look more comfortable, like you’re more at ease,” she settled on.

“Working on it,” Alex said with another small careful smile. Maria refilled his drink.

“And Alex, seriously, it’s nice to see you again,” Maria said, mirroring his smile. He gave her a nod. As much, as it still hurt, if he let himself think about it for too long, he was pretty sure, it was one of Rosa’s better ideas.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for the positive response to part one of this!! It means a special extra amount, when it's the first time you write these characters.

“Sir, I’m afraid I can’t give you a better answer than that,” a nurse said from the other side of the half open door to his father’s room at the hospital. Alex paused. There were only a few options, as to who would come see Jesse Manes by his bedside, and none of them were people Alex particularly liked. Alex opened the door, having spotted which one of them it was through the small window in the door.

“Hey Flint, thought you would have been reassigned by now,” Alex said, as he entered the room, his voice seemingly unable to settle on whether to sound hostile or a fake sort of friendly. Flint met his eyes with a scowl, but Alex didn’t miss the grateful look on the nurse’s face, as she slipped out behind Alex. He could imagine how long, Flint had been bothering her for.

“What the hell happened to him, Alex?” Flint asked, looking between Alex and their still asleep father. If Flint was seriously trying to figure out, if Alex was somehow to blame for this, he was even more out there, than he’d assumed. Sure, it wasn’t that far off technically. It had been an agreement between himself and Valenti to keep Jesse Manes in a coma, as long as they could without his organs suffering irrevocable damage.

“I know just as much as you do,” Alex replied with a wave of his arms. A flat out lie, but not exactly one he felt that bad about telling. “What was he doing here anyway, he told me he was halfway around the world for the rest of the year at least?”

“Dad doesn’t tell you shit,” Flint replied with a scoff, and alright, he got Alex there. But there was also a very clear implication in what he said. That he shouldn’t tell Alex either, that he didn’t deserve to know, that he was worth less than the rest of the Manes brothers. Not exactly unsurprising.

“Alright, so maybe I looked it up,” Alex bit back. Maybe he had done almost nothing but back down from fights, since he got back from his last tour. But when it came to his family, the blood one anyway, he had absolutely no problem biting back. “Lots of things happen in warzones, Flint. Am I not allowed to be concerned about dear old dad?”

“You know, I was trying to be nice to you at Caulfield,” Flint started, and the concept was laughable. “But you always were a little shit. And if you think that thing-” and from the way Flint’s eyes darted, it was more than clear what he meant. “Makes you any better than the rest of us, you’re wrong. Doesn’t mean shit. You just got in the way of an IED.”

Of course, that was what it was always about at the end of the day. Sacrificing everything you could for your country, just like their dad had taught them, when they were children. It had always been the competition, ever since the second oldest of his brothers had enlisted, and it had been clear their father would prefer that’s the way they were all headed. Who scored the highest in training, who had honours, who had done the most, who made the Master Sergeant proud?

Alex hadn’t lied with what he’d told Guerin a month ago. It had felt good at first, to finally be able to win something. As much as he kind of hated the naive kid, who thought that for the first couple of months now. It had felt good until all the bad stuff started dawning on him. So, if Flint thought Alex honest to god gave a shit about the eternal Manes family competition, he was wrong. “What was he doing in Roswell, Flint?” Alex asked.  

“There was work to do after Caulfield,” Flint replied, confirming the suspicion Alex had had. His dad might not be a genius at cyber security by a mile, but he was smart enough to at least make sure Caulfield going up in smoke, wouldn’t undo all his work. Flint’s expression, if possible, hardened even more. Maybe a little annoyed even, that their father clearly hadn’t trust Flint to do the work. “Now, get out of my face, Alex!”

“I was well on my way,” Alex said, not looking at him.

* * *

“How do you just deal?” Rosa asked, sitting across from him at The Crashdown. She had a jacket swept over her uniform, not having gone up into the apartment after her shift was finished. One of the guys had asked her to hurry her ass up, and she’d replied her shift was over and called the guy an asshole. That was ten minutes ago. “I mean- everything is so much, all the time, Alex. First, she- I mean, he did that to me. And then it’s not the end, and there’s our three buddies, and Kyle knows about Jim Valenti, and there’s too much.”

“Not exactly been put through the ringer as much as you have,” Alex replied, because he didn’t have a better answer for her.

“Bullshit, Alex,” Rosa replied quietly, and she gave him a look like she could see right through him. Maybe she could. With everything else about Rosa, it almost wouldn’t surprise him. “How do you just deal with it? How are you okay?”

“I’m not,” Alex said honestly, because most days he still didn’t feel okay. Not at all. Sometimes it was Jesse Manes along with whatever thing Alex’s subconscious had decided to relive that day, or it was the war and the IED in Iraq. And sometimes, it was about Michael, the hammer and all the times, he’d lost him since then. But there was always something, at the edge of Alex’s mind. “But I’m trying to be. Trying to be better.”

“Can you give me some pointers, when you figure it out, Manes?” Rosa asked with a smile. But it was a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Alex knew that feeling too. He gave her a nod and took a sip of his milkshake.

* * *

The Wild Pony wasn’t exactly Alex’s idea of a good place to hang out. As much as he loved both Mimi Deluca and her daughter, The Wild Pony wasn’t exactly the place, you went if you wanted to impress someone. Regardless if that someone was a friend or more than a friend. Not that Alex had anything of the latter category currently, and he probably wouldn’t for a while. Regardless of The Pony being the way it was, Alex slid comfortably into one of the stools by the bar.

“At least, Max is finally getting a little better, so Liz will stop moping,” Maria said as a way of greeting, when she put down a glass in front of him. Alex greeted her smile. It wasn’t exactly completely comfortable, Alex could admit that. But over the last couple of weeks, it had started slowly seeming more normal. “I love you, Alex, but sometimes you need your best girl friends to vent to,” Maria said with a smile.

“Oh, you mean that?” Alex said, glancing towards the door, where two of Max Evans’ colleagues had dragged the first two people off, who had started a fight that night off, as Alex got here a couple of minutes ago. That made Maria laugh, and she turned to grab him a drink.

“Yeah, it seems like this place just attracts people, who want to ruin my bar,” Maria said, and put the drink down in front of him. Alex accepted it. He never really had to ask what he wanted, Maria knew exactly what he wanted to get, when he got here. “Except you, of course and Liz. You two are the only nice people in my bar.”

“I’m honoured,” Alex replied, as they heard shouts from further back in the bar. Maybe the beginning bar fight wouldn’t be tonight’s only one. They had gotten increasingly louder in volume over the last couple of minutes.

It happened before Alex could even really register it. Suddenly the people who are shouting, aren’t just further back in the bar, but one of them is shoved in Alex’s direction. Alex tried to get off the bar stool, but he wasn’t fast enough, the prosthetic chafing painfully against his residual limb. The stab of pain is enough of a distraction, that he overbalanced, and Alex honestly expected to hit the ground hard. But then he hit someone solid and warm, and an arm is wrapped around him, keeping him steady.

“Easy there-“ And it might have been overkill, but it felt like every single vein in Alex’s body immediately froze. Guerin, because of course it was Guerin, who Alex had been sent tumbling into, tensed up, and the arm around Alex loosened. Alex knew it was stupid, pathetic even, but he immediately missed the contact. “Alex?” Guerin said, his voice quieter.

“Thanks for the save, Guerin,” Alex managed to reply. His voice was thick, but he managed to keep his voice steady, as he got to his feet. Something that was hard, because everything inside him was shaking. Alex didn’t meet his eyes, but he could feel Guerin’s eyes piercing him. Part of him wanted to run, but he was trying to do better. So, he stayed where he was. His eyes darted to where Michael’s arms were keeping him in place. “What happened to your hand?” Alex heard himself say, his words barely audible.

“Nothing,” Guerin replied. But his hand was fine, the mangled hand Jesse Manes had left behind ten years ago, seemed by all means completely fine.

“Bullshit, you-“ Alex started, but whatever the story was, it dawned on Alex, that he wasn’t just keeping it from Alex. Something about Guerin’s face betrayed him, and even though his own guess would probably be Max somewhere in between getting rid of Noah and now, the fact that Guerin wasn’t saying it, confirmed something else. Guerin hadn’t told Maria about any of it.

“’you alright?” Michael asked, and there was something about it, that made Alex’s guts twist and turn. This was the most, he and Michael had said to each other in more than a month. He let out a long breath, and then took a step back from Michael, because even if he wasn’t going to run, he at least needed to step away from him. Otherwise, he was probably going to grab for Michael or do something else stupid in the middle of The Wild Pony.

“I’m fine, thank you,” Alex said in a too polite tone, that made him cringe inwardly. But luckily, it also didn’t betray how much he wasn’t fine. Something flashed over Guerin’s face that Alex didn’t recognize. He seemed to take a defeated breath and turned his eyes away from Alex.

“I’ll be back in a second, Maria. Just as soon as I kick these assholes out of here,” Michael said, and Alex’s entire body suddenly felt like it hurt. Michael was still not looking at him, so much so, Alex realized Michael was doing everything not to look at him.

“None of that,” Maria quickly stopped him, grabbing for his arm over the counter. But Guerin just managed to avert her, so Maria went after him. “You’re not my bouncer, Guerin! Get back here!”

* * *

Maybe crawling back into the bunker after that is hiding – again. Alex isn’t going to rule out that it is. He leant back in his chair and rubbed at his eyelids. If he moved around too much, the prosthetic would probably start hurting, he’d been down here for a good long while. He had probably been here for a couple of days, considering the amount of frozen dinners, he’d eaten, but he didn’t really know or care.

It wasn’t as much the Guerin and Maria of it all, as it was just Guerin. He hadn’t expected to see Guerin there. Maria and he had hung out a handful of times at the Wild Pony since their talk, sometimes alone sometimes with Liz. But Guerin was notably never there, which Maria had assured him, she didn’t mind doing. It had been her idea. _“If it means I get to see you more, Michael can find another place to get drunk a couple of times a week.”_ So, it had thrown Alex for a loop, along with the hand.

Putting Guerin out of his mind by researching Guerin’s family didn’t make much sense, so Alex didn’t see it that way. What he was trying to do was different, it was about his dad. Flint’s reference to clean up work, might just have been a reference to covering up the facility’s existence or trying to find the hard drives Kyle had stolen, before it blew up. But Alex knew better, there was something out there, there had to be. His dad wouldn’t have let his entire crusade go up in smoke.

Whether he has to restore and track down data, Alex isn’t so sure of. But even though breaking into the systems in the first place had been a piece of cake, his dad wasn’t stupid enough to just let the data disappear with Caulfield.

He’s gotten to a file from 1947, which shouldn’t exist. While Alex was planning on how to get back at his father, he’d read most of the conspiracy stuff he could get his hands on. Supposedly, all the military records from the Roswell base in 1947 had disappeared. He recognized the date too, even if he’d never believed in aliens before the whole project Shephard thing, he’s grown up in Roswell. You could talk to a first grader, and they’d know the date.

It’s stuff, he recognized for the most part. Either from what Noah had told Max and Isobel, or from the more accurate of the conspiracy crap online. Gun shots fired at suspicious figures, collection of weird metal, the quick damage control of the farmer who was the first to find the aliens. But then Caulfield popped up in the report, and then two other names in quick succession, and Alex’s blood went ice cold.

As soon as he’d entered the algorithm to automatically search through the files for any mention of the other two names, he fumbled for his phone to call Kyle, knowing he’d have to call Liz straight after. The report had accounted for about 120 surviving creatures, as they had called them, Caulfield had held about 50 as far as Alex’s math went. The data they had wasn’t complete, but if there had been about 120 surviving aliens and Alex, Kyle and Michael had found about 50, that had to mean something. Alex’s stomach filled with dread, it had to mean there was a strong possibility the two other places held aliens too.

* * *

“It makes sense that there’d be a backup,” Kyle said with a grave look on his face. Kyle, Liz and Alex were all standing around the monitors in the bunker. The two others had gotten here about 5 minutes ago, and Alex had started going through his findings. “Sure, it might be limited what they can get out of keeping the aliens now, but if they had been discovered 50 years ago or so, they would have been screwed if the alarm went off at Caulfield.”

The assessment made sense, it was the same one Alex had made himself, as much as it was messed up to hear it, even if it didn’t come out of Jesse Manes’ mouth but Kyle’s instead. Liz just stood next to Alex looking incredibly small, he could practically see her picture Max’s pain. “God, what are we going to tell them?” she said.

Alex really didn’t want to think about that either. As much as he knew that the first one of the aliens to pop up in Liz’s mind was probably Max, for Alex it was Guerin. Alex could still picture the expression on Michael’s face that day, hear his words echo in his head. “The files we got aren’t complete,” Alex said with a deep breath. “I’m going to dig around as much as I can to find out, if they’re still there. I don’t think my dad would sabotage the project by getting rid of them, but they might have been moved.”

Sure, Flint probably hadn’t overheard Alex telling Kyle to get as much as he could, before Caulfield blew up. But if Caulfield had been compromised, there was a significant chance his father would have risked moving them. On the other hand, the aliens had been there for 70 years, they could just as well have assessed that they were too weak to be moved. Both seemed equally likely in Alex’s book.

“We don’t have to tell them, until we have a better idea of what or who can be salvaged,” Kyle said with a pat on Liz’s shoulder. The image of Guerin banging that fire extinguisher against the glass, flashed behind Alex’s eyelids and he tried to not outwardly flinch at the memory. He didn’t know how he could even begin to tell Michael again, especially knowing what he’d lost the last time.

“I think it’s the best idea for now,” Alex agreed and met Liz’s eyes. “If there’s nothing, or I’m wrong and my dad has gotten rid of them, or moved them to a location I can’t locate, we’d just be giving them false hope.”

* * *

Rosa was sitting with her back against the sign on the roof of the Crashdown. Her eyes opened, once she spotted Alex, and he crouched down next to her, slowly managing to sit down. For a moment, concern flickered across her face, but she seemed settled, once he’d sat down. “You know, you and Liz really got to stop dragging me up here,” Alex said as an opening line.

“Sorry, Manes. Just saw Maria,” Rosa said, and as much as things between Maria and Alex had gotten a lot better, Alex wasn’t sure, he would like where this conversation was going. “Before, when things got bad, Maria was always my person. She was the only one I really trusted, or at least got the closest to trusting.”

Alex did get it, as much as he had liked hanging out with Maria and Liz and to an extent Rosa, he’d never really told them the details about his dad or his brothers, not if he could avoid it. And if he’d had a too visible bruise, he had usually managed to poorly explain it away. Michael had been his person. Not someone he told his secrets to exactly, but someone he felt like understood them. The only one really, which wasn’t a helpful thought right now. “I know what you mean,” Alex just said.

“And all of this shit, that asshole- what happened after- I can’t tell Maria,” Rosa said with a frustrated wave of her arms. She turned her head to look at Alex, and he could tell from her expression how deeply it weighed on her. Like how everything inside him had wanted to tell Guerin about his leg, as soon as he woke up in the hospital, but knowing that there was no point. “Because Michael hasn’t fucking told her, he’s a little green man from outer space. And all the rest of you are lying to her too.”

“What did Liz say?” Alex asked, guessing Rosa had already aired her frustrations with Liz. Rosa tilted her head slightly and shrugged.

“Just that it’s Mikey’s decision along with the other aliens,” Rosa said, her voice rising a pitch on the Mikey as if to make fun of Liz. Alex did kind of think it was funny, that Liz had taken to calling Michael Mikey multiple times now. But in this case, he didn’t let it show on his face.

“I mean, she’s right,” Alex said. He ignored the urge inside him to tell Rosa, that Michael had told him. That Michael had said he didn’t want to keep any secrets from Alex anymore. There was no point, Rosa could probably already guess as much. “We can’t take that choice away from them.”

* * *

“I’m gonna go,” Guerin said, as soon as he spotted Alex by the bar. It had been four days since Alex found the other two facilities, and apart from his conversation with Rosa, Alex had been knee-deep in research, trying to restore as much as he possibly could, and looking for other places the aliens might have been moved to, if someone had attempted damage control. He’d decided to stop by the Pony to clear his head, and because he was meeting Liz and Kyle later. However, something inside him, maybe the memory of the conversation with Rosa the other day, made him get up.

“I’m going to go talk to him,” Alex said and steeled his face, as he glanced at Maria. He wasn’t exactly sure how to explain to Maria why. “This isn’t- I think we need to.”

Maria gave an understanding look, even though she had no idea what Alex actually wanted to talk to Guerin about. But Rosa was right, as much as it was the aliens’ choice who they told their secrets too, this was getting ridiculous. Not only Guerin avoiding Alex like the plague, although Alex wasn’t much better himself, but it had been almost two months since everything with Noah, and Michael hadn’t told Maria, even though his hand was healed.

“Guerin!” Alex said, reaching the parking lot as Guerin was still heading for his truck. There wasn’t a reaction straight away, knowing him he was probably trying to pretend Alex wasn’t there at all. “Michael!” Alex repeated, louder this time.

“What?” Michael said, turning on his head with a frustrated groan. But he did pause, and not continue towards his truck like Alex had feared he probably would, if he was really trying to avoid this conversation. Michael crossed his arms. “The hell, do you want Manes?”

“Do you actually care about her?” Alex said, which wasn’t what he meant to say. He moved closer towards Michael, closing the space between him and the truck. Michael, surprisingly, still doesn’t move. Michael’s face is unreadable and Alex, somewhat defiantly met his eyes. “Do you actually care about Maria?”

“I’m not with Maria to get back at you, if that’s what you think,” Michael said defensively instead of answering, which wasn’t what Alex was implying, or really wanted an answer to, but nevertheless, it still felt nice to have it. And terrible at the same time. “So yeah,” Michael continued, his words trailing off.

“Why haven’t you told her then?” Alex fired back, still holding Michael’s eyes. “Come on, Michael, she’s known you most of her life, she’s not a fucking idiot, who is not going to notice your hand magically being better, or not question how Rosa is back.”

“Fuck you, Alex, you know it’s not that easy,” Michael bit back, moving to side step Alex, even though Michael’s truck was behind him.

“You managed fine with me,” Alex retorted without missing a beat. Sure, Alex had already known by the time Michael told him, but it had still felt nice to know from him, that Michael trusted him. If Michael actually cared about Maria, she deserved that trust too. “You told me, you didn’t want to keep secrets anymore.”

“Not the same, Alex,” Michael said, meeting his eyes again. Something pained flashed across his face, and Alex’s guts twisted.

“Sounds a little the same,” Alex replied, because as much as he hated it, or wanted things to turn out different, Michael and Maria cared about each other. There was a pause, where Michael just looked at him, and Alex wished, Alex wanted so badly for this situation to be different, for it to be better. But it wasn’t, and it probably wouldn’t be. Michael took a deep breath.

“No. I wanted to tell you every single day for ten years, ever since that day you dropped that guitar off for me,” Michael replied. He looked down at his hands for a long moment, flexing his now undamaged fingers. Alex’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach, and he clenched his hands. “But there was so much else, so much other shit! I- Maybe I just wanted something that felt like a new beginning,” Michael said, and his eyes were watery, when he looked at Alex.

Alex had been searching for a new beginning, a way to start over, since Caulfield. Since he realized every single battle, he ever fought since he first signed the contract had been his father’s. He wasn’t even sure he’d reup next time around. He couldn’t run away from the fact that a lot of what he was currently doing, could look like he was trying to clean his slate of his father. For good this time. So as much as it hurt, as much it painfully stung that Michael’s new beginning had been with Maria, Alex did get it.

“Look, I’m not going to pretend, I don’t understand,” Alex said, every single word heavy and hard to get out. He took a step back, planning to head back to the bar. But before he did, he met Michael’s eyes again. “I’m just- I was glad you told me about it. I think she deserves to know too,” Alex said, before turning to leave the other man to his truck.


End file.
